Saturday, September 1, 2012

{Still} Waiting to Adopt

Today marks 2.5 years that we have officially been waiting to bring home baby #2.  In the last few weeks many of our friends and family have asked how things are going – “Is there anything new?” “We are rooting for ya!”  It’s always interesting when people ask us about how things are going with the adoption process.  It’s almost as if you can see the nerves as they feel guilty or unsure if they should be asking.  Quite honestly, it’s absolutely okay to ask!  When you ask, we know you care and you are interested.  It’s nice to know that others are thinking about us.  When you do ask, just be prepared for us to have a quick answer – typically it goes something like, “We are still waiting… It’s been 2 years, almost 2.5, etc…”  Sometimes, we might even mention that a birthmom has considered us (we know because we get an updated count on the number of letters in our file at the adoption agency).  We joke that they are “shopping" our family but not “buying”.  More recently we may have even mentioned that there has been a situation that didn’t work out. 

Truth be told, in July, we were actually contacted by a birthmom.  She had found our profile online and was ready to move forward with placing her son, who had just turned one, with us.  The birthmom was struggling to make it on her own, and had carefully considered an adoption plan.  Unfortunately for us, this situation did not move forward, as the birthfather was still involved (ever so slightly) and appears to not be interested in an adoption plan.  So, while we were excited about the option of finally having a situation to consider for our family, we have moved on and the wait continues.  We are hopeful that things are going well for this little boy and his birth family.  Please know that while we are sharing this with you now, we have not shared this with Anthony.  We are worried about getting his hopes up, as he really, really wants to become a big brother.

Waiting to adopt a baby is hard.  It’s one of the few things in our lives that we have no control over.  We can’t work harder, work longer, study more, etc. to make it happen.  We just have to wait.  We wait until a birthmom decides that her baby will complete our little family.

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Photo taken on our 4th night with Anthony – he sure was a happy little guy!

Even though waiting is hard, it is so much easier the 2nd time.  We are not waiting for our turn to finally have our first little one to care for and love, we have the best 6-year-old we could have hoped for, so as we wait, we are putting all of our energy towards Anthony.  Our laughter with him helps to displace the angst we feel with the wait.  The first time, it was incredibly hard.  After years of trying and working with fertility specialists, the 6 months we waited for Anthony seemed so incredibly long.  We watched our family and friends have babies, sometimes 2 or 3, before we could even have our first.  It was challenging, but we survived.

Adoption is a process that teaches you about patience.  It teaches you to be strong.  It teaches you to be welcoming and open-minded.  Adoption has helped to make us who we are today, and we are stronger people as a result of the adoption process.

Please continue to send us your thoughts and prayers – do not be afraid to check in with us!  Talking about the process sometimes renews our hope.  We are positive that when the timing is right, we will be chosen and our family will expand.  Until then, we wait.

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